If the new Maggie biopic sexes up Douglas Hurd it’s a disgrace

Maggie: MOODY

I’ll start this one with a disclaimer: the only decent impressions I can do are of my former secondary school chemistry teacher, who we all think talked funny because he had piles, and the voice of Henry’s Cat. And a passable (if a bit ‘spitty’) Donald Duck.

But I can’t help thinking Meryl Streep hasn’t quite got it with her slightly mad-looking portrayal of everyone’s favourite milk snatcher Maggie Thatcher in her forthcoming biopic.

Plenty of people should be vilified for hacking Milly Dowler’s voicemail. Caitlin Moran is NOT one of them.

VADER: Not Moran

No bones about it, The News of the World is in TROUBLE.

While most members of the public didn’t give two hoots whether the paper had hacked the mobile phones of Hugh Grant or John Prescott, the revelation some of its journalists interfered with the voicemail of murdered schoolgirl Milly Dowler has torpedoed any shred of credibility its investigations and exposés once brought it.

Top of the (ice) pops: Fridge Bar in south London to reopen

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”

Brrrr: Artist's impression of the new venu which they couldn't be effed to finish

That’s the sound of me travelling back to Streatham on a night bus from a hypothetical gig in central or north London, where all of that stuff goes on.

BUT NO LONGER thanks to investment group Omni Assets, which as well as being the sinister enterprise which created Robocop are now planning to reopen the crumbling Fridge Bar in Brixton in September.

Operations director Steve Forster told MusicWeek the 1,500 capacity venue would hopefully fill the gap left by the Astoria in central London, which was smashed to pieces to make way for a railway line in 2009.

YES!

Walrus: Smooth and majestic

A BLOG! A NEW BLOG! This is exactly what the Internet has been screaming out for, I hear you cry.

And rightly so, for I have a passing command of both MS Paint and the English language and plan to use them to clinical effect.

And also immediately link to the majestic, impossible smooth, stuffed walrus at the Horniman Museum which has broken its 140-year silence to join Twitter: @HornimanWalrus

Things I will now attempt to do, like a maddening combination of ham-fisted yokel and ADHD-afflicted child: add a picture, make that link clickable, drink some tea.